Vent

I had have the idea of suicide since almost 3 years ago I started getting better I forgot all about my anorexia and my bulimia… I was happy, I left my country to study what in that moment I thought I like and I met the most wonderful man ever, he is the love of my life and the man I want to see when I walk down the isle but then he had lo leave back to our country for a while it was okay I could do it was what I was telling myself I only had to finish here so I could go back to him and then enter a university so I could study something in which I was good, that made me happy, but then everything start to go down hill from there I wasn’t improving in what I’m doing, I was stuck…. I am stuck and all those feelings that I thought where not there anymore came back rushing like a bomb and I just want to end it all, I want to die but I can’t do it, I don’t want to leave him behind I love him, I want a future with him… But I feel so helpless, stuck, I only want to make my dad proud of me, he was so happy when I told him I want to be a pilot… But then everything change when I got here and I realize what being a pilot really means and that sometimes you don’t born to do it. Supposedly I was going to be finishing in November, I would go back home, but because of me not being good in this I will be longer… I close to being here almost a year… Alone, without my family, without anyone…