My mother tells me
that when I meet someone I like,
I have to ask them three questions:

1. what are you afraid of?
2. do you like dogs?
3. what do you do when it rains?

of those three, she says the first one is the most important.
“They gotta be scared of something, baby. Everybody is. If they aren’t afraid of anything, then they don’t believe in anything, either.”

I met you on a Sunday, right
after church.
one look and my heart fell into
my stomach like a trap door.

on our second date,
I asked you what you were afraid of.
“spiders, mostly. being alone. little children, like, the ones who just learned how to push a kid over on the playground. oh and space. holy shit, space.”
I asked you if you liked dogs.
“I have three.”
I asked you what you do when it rains.
“sleep, mostly. sometimes I sit at the window and watch the rain droplets race. I make a shelter out of plastic in my backyard for all the stray animals; leave them food and a place to sleep.”

he smiled like he knew.
like his mom told him the same
thing.
“how about you?”

me?
I’m scared of everything.
of the hole in the o-zone layer,
of the lady next door who never
smiles at her dog,
and especially of all the secrets
the government must be breaking
it’s back trying to keep from us.
I love dogs so much, you have no idea.
I sleep when it rains.
I want to tell everyone I love them.
I want to find every stray animal and bring them home.
I want to wake up in your hair
and make you shitty coffee
and kiss your neck
and draw silly stick figures of us.
I never want to ask anyone else
these questions
ever again.

Do not text him.

You don’t really want to talk to him about the weather or how he is or if he failed that quiz.

Do not text him.

All you want to say is “I miss you. Please love me again.” But instead you text him “Hey.” and wait heart in throat for him to respond.

Do not text him.

You don’t really want to text him about how your song came on the radio and it made you think of him.

Do not text him.

All you want is for him to text you. “I miss you. I love you. Can I come back?”

Do not text him.

That will never be his response.

Tú ¿me querrás fea? Tú ¿me querrás antipática? Tú ¿me querrás como soy? Te lo pregunto y veo luego que no puedes contestarme. Como un niño me hablas, con toda la ingenuidad de un niño y me dirás: Sí. Te siento niño en muchas cosas y eso me acrece más la ternura. Mi niño, así te he dicho hoy todo el día y me ha sabido a más amor la palabra que otras. Esta ternura mía es cosa bien extraña. No fui nunca así para nadie. El amor es otra cosa que esta ternura. El amor es más pasional y lo exaltan imaginaciones sensuales.

Maybe some people just aren’t meant to be in our lives forever. Maybe some people are just passing through. It’s like some people just come through our lives to bring us something: a gift, a blessing, a lesson we need to learn. And that’s why they’re here.

He desperdiciado mi vida entera, no se a dónde ir, no hablo con nadie, no tengo nada que decir, no tengo la menor idea de lo que busco ni lo que quiero encontrar, pero te quiero.

Nunca le tuve, lo supe siempre.
Siempre me tuvo, nunca lo supo.

Una sonrisa tuya.

Sólo se necesita eso para cambiar mi día.